I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
