Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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