she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
