i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
