I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
