Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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