I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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