So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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