tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
