when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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