i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
