I wish I could teleport
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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