im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
