I'm going to rape someone's good day.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
