I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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