8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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