...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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