either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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