Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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