Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
