dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
