It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize