Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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