woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
