He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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