I seem to have left my pride at pride
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
