Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
