Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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