VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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