in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
