I think my fart just growled at me.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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