The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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