Walk of Shame today included voting.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
