Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
