Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
