I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
