i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
