Where is the hickey?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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