please come you make the beer taste better
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
