I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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