Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
