I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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