Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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