that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
