I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
