Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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