There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Drake has all the answers
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
