turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
