So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
