Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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