we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
