god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
