Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
