I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
