I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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