The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
