so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize