you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Shame - the story of my life.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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