time to smoke my breakfast
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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