So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
