we're chasing vodka with high fives
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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