How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
