I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I don't think brook has ever known best
operation harelip BJ is a go
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
