I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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