they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
