Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
