let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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