You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Randomize
