I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
false alarm. still invincible.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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