I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
