I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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