Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
