obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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