dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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