we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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