You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I want a musical about memes.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize