So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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