I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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