i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
