boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
