I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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